Thoughts on conscious Love and Compassion because when we attend to our greater good we are attending to THE greater good.

Take me as I am…

The-Wellness-Accomplice,-llcI am technologically disadvantaged. I didn’t used to be…but…somehow, with middle-age I have turned into someone who knows juuuuuust enough to do some damage. In this case I was able to export old posts to my new blog but cannot figure out how to point this on to that one so that there aren’t two blogs floating around.

SO – if you really do want to see what I post I hope you’ll visit/subscribe to my real  website-blog and that you’ll forgive me the lack of know how it would take to make this easy on you.

OMG Am I a Lesbian?

holding-hands_thumb[7]” To work change into the depths of our nature, we need to come to grips with those characteristics within us that we have tended to avoid.”  Carolyn Myss

I had a dream that I was living with 2 lesbians. There was an intense emotional intimacy there so I knew I belonged in spite of the triad dynamic that had me feeling a bit like an interloper.

One of the women was named Vicki.  She was beautiful with short, choppy hair and a “let’s get it done attitude.”  There was also Theresa who was pregnant and so quiet I kept forgetting she was there yet the moment Theresa entered the room there was an immediate feeling of peace and calm. She had a knowing about her that assuaged all of the anxiety I didn’t even know I was carrying.  I remember feeling relaxed and serene as soon as I got past the thought, “oh yeah…she’s here too.”

In real life, I’m divorced and have often joked that because I’m meeting such fascinating women and such disappointing men that I’d consider swinging to the other side – so this dream made me wonder, “was a part of me serious?”

I turned on my light and went to work using one of my most favorite tools ever – a Jungian style dream analysis.

Turns out – I’m imbalanced (was this supposed to be a surprise?). I’m identifying more heavily with my more masculine “get it done” Self than I am with my feminine “quiet power” Self. And the message was, “step into your feminine to fully realize your own power.” Aha….that makes sense – especially since this has been something I’ve been working on for years.  (The fact on just caught myself saying “working on” tells me there’s a long way to go yet.)

So – today I embrace the things that made me feel good about my inner world (being present in each moment, breathing deeply, asking myself what I need, meditating and playing). Tomorrow I may forget the lesson and return to the outer but I have been empowered with these unique faces representing the different sides of me and their names are Vicki and Theresa. Thank goodness for the oneness seeking knowing duo that lives inside of me waiting to give birth to some greatness I have yet to understand.

Inner lesbians, I cherish you (me) and I thank you (me).

How do you work step into your creative, intuitive, peaceful, present feminine?


I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Desperate Confusion“When angry count to four;  when very angry, swear.”  Mark Twain


10 months after “The Divorce”…suddenly the kids (12 & 13) are at each other’s throats again.

“Why are you so mad?”

“I don’t know!!”
“Everyone is on my nerves.”
“I love my legos because they’re the only things that don’t get aggravate me right now!!”

Learning experts say that it takes 10,000 hours of practicing something in order to master it.  My 10,000 hours has got to be the grieving process…so, I recognize the second stage; after denial comes anger.

After talking through, working through, adjusting through and making it through almost a year of thoughtful grieving I’m left thinking, “Holy crap, have the last 10 months merely been a prolonged and conscious version of denial?!  OR is this simply puberty at its worst?”  I really considered the possibility that all of the exuberance I was feeling about getting over the hump was a glorified version of avoidance and denial.  Suddenly, I was crushed.  I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to pick up the gauntlet again and gently walk through it all with myself and my kids.  Heck – I was convinced that if I absolutely had to go through it again there’d be nothing patient about it, I mean, GEEZ, let’s get over this already!!

Then, I remembered.  The highs and lows of the grieving process surprise us in waves (just like they do in puberty).  Honestly, the impetus for this renewed anger is irrelevant; it only matters that we deal with it consciously – just like we did at the onset and just like we would if it were puberty alone.

Grief and puberty aren’t all that different, actually – the cycles of emotion come and go, the change we face everyday (whether we like it or not) is imposed upon us and, really, we have the wonderful opportunity to go within and see what it has to offer.  We’ve decided it offers us practice at setting intention everyday (about how we treat one another and how we receive input from each other), we also have ample opportunity to practice grace, compassion and putting each other first.  Really, if you think about it, we’re quite fortunate to get so much practice using healthy coping mechanisms at the beginning of our new, post-divorce lives so that when the easier, happier waves come we don’t have bad habits in place to ruin them.

Yeah, we got this.


I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

cryBeing a life coach doesn’t mean that I am problem-free.  I do have problems.  In fact, after about 9 months in the grieving process and feeling like the kids and I were doing pretty well after “The Divorce” – they’re at each other’s throats and it leaves me wondering, “were the last nine months a deceitful cycle?  Were we actually in denial the whole time and we’re just now hitting anger?”

Likewise, being a trauma and illness coach doesn’t keep me from experiencing trauma or illness.  After all…I did still go through “The Divorce” and I’m still working at getting well after meningitis struck me eight long years ago!
Being a life coach DOES, however, give me amazing tools on how to deal w/ the problems/trauma/illness; being a life coach DOES give me practice at not only facing my crap (ask my closest friends and they’ll tell you all about those moment’s when I just cry) but facing it with a deeper understanding that “IT” is not “ME”.
I actually like to think of it as facing my crap with aplomb; I face my process without guilt or shame (truth is, sometimes we ALL just cry).
Being a life coach also gives me a deeper understanding of those adages that we say but sometimes don’t really get until we’ve been through the wringer:  “this too shall pass,” “time heals all wounds,” (I don’t necessarily agree with that one see this post to find out why), and “it’s always darkest before the dawn” and my favorite (one that drives some people nuts), “everything happens for a reason.”
Truth is there is no immunity to human tribulations.  It is important for all of us to remember that.  When we do we can accept that sometimes we haven’t done anything “wrong” – it’s just a piece of the puzzle that makes up our life story.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice.  Sometimes we just need to cry and ask for help.  When we do we actively improve our situation and ourselves.

I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

heal-a-cut.s600x600“There’s a lot of bitterness, there’s a lot of anger out there.  We all have to work hard to heal those wounds.” – Allen Boyd
After a big transformative event we’re often left dazed, confused, hurt or lost.  During these times we hear, either from ourselves or others, “that time heals all wounds.”  I’ve been a life coach for long enough that I recognize that while this advice is well-meaning and will help someone focus on the temporary nature of any problem it is, quite simply, inaccurate.
Yes, eventually a routine will kick in and we’ll feel less and less dazed.  We will begin to employ coping mechanisms that help us find meaning that dulls the confusion and the pain.  And we will be forced to go on which, with time,  will help us feel less lost.  Basically, distance from the big moments will get us functional.
However, functionality is not the same as healing.
We cannot truly heal unless we take the time to seek help in seeing our blind spots and then choose to go inward.  We must be willing to (when we’re ready) lean into the experience of the transformative event and evaluate any conclusions we’ve made around that experience. We must give ourselves permission to consciously access a healing process that is right for us…and that takes work!!
I encourage you to love yourself enough to go, layer by layer, into your emotions, your thoughts and assumptions to find  true healing so that you may begin your real purpose here.
Time may get you functional but it will not, on it’s own, heal all wounds; only consciousness and Love can do that.
Triffany Hammond is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.
You can learn more about my and my services at or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Are Optimists Smarter?

“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”  – Harry S. Truman
It has been proven that optimists are much more affective at engaging problem solving skills than their pessimistic counterparts.
Love, happiness, optimism, humor, laughter, kindness, openness, calm, friendship….. add as many positive emotions as you can to your life.  No matter where you are, no matter how difficult things seem you should know that the brain operates at its highest levels when it has been infused with optimism.
When you infuse the positive emotions into your life you feed your brain in ways you may not even be aware of.  Susan Reynolds, author of “Prime Your Gray Cells,”  says that, “feeling pleasure can be so stimulating for your brain that it is primed to respond to pleasure in a way that reinforces pleasure.”  What this means is that YOU have the choice to create a positive feedback loop in your brain. “Other than being much more fun to be around,” she continues, “being happy:
  • stimulates the growth of nerve connections
  • improves cognition by increasing mental productivity
  • improves your ability to analyze and think
  • increases attentiveness
  • leads to more happy thoughts”

How do YOU want to spend your time?  Choose carefully, because you’re choosing the fuel you provide to your brain to be able to solve your problems and build on your successes.


Triffany Hammond is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at or find me on Facebook.
If you liked this post, here’s different post on Happiness that you might also like. 

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Happiness is Impermanent

Recovery Coaching

“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”  Margaret Lee Runbeck

In last week’s post, The Happiness Choice, I mentioned that Happiness is the release of expectations.

As simple as this seems (when we expect nothing we are not disappointed and therefore can concentrate on and be grateful for what we DO have) it can be a real sticking point for people.  They often feel as though letting go of their expectations or attachments to a specific outcome means they’re living with apathy and not Happiness.  Or they feel that if they release expectations then they aren’t motivated to achieve anything of value.
Allow me to offer an example from my own life.
     I’ve recently been through a divorce.  I wanted to work on our marriage and heal our broken love.  He did not.  He left me and our two kids to go live with a different woman and her two kids.
     If I had held onto the expectation that he SHOULD behave a certain way (stay married, live alone, spend extra time w/ his kids, etc) I would live in a constant state of disappointment, anger, and depression.  I would also be MOTIVATED to make my point, prove him wrong, and express my negative emotions.  None of these reactions would have fostered healing in myself or my children.
     I’ll admit it was hard and that I experienced pain during the process.  But because I was able to let go of the expectations about what he should do I was able to face, head on, what he was actually doing.  And because I could face it head on I was MOTIVATED to heal which allowed me to focus on all the things that weren’t painful in my life (and all of the things that would be available to me in the future).
I wasn’t apathetic at all.  In fact, I felt deeply.  But the negative feelings didn’t have any space to take hold because I wasn’t grounded in my expectations of “family,” “husband,” or “dad.”  Instead I understood that my ex-husband is a person of free will who has his own expectations of himself that aren’t tied to what I want or  what I think I need.

Also, I’ve achieved more value in my life as a result of letting go my attachments to specific outcomes because I was being fueled by positive emotions and not depleted by the negative ones.

When I say that Happiness is a choice, I am saying that we can live a life full of emotions, positive and negative alike, but when we release our emotional attachments to specific outcomes we cut suffering off at the root; we choose to leave room for all the positive results that come from feeling positive emotions.
I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at or find me on Facebook.
Here’s a related post about how to know when Love is a motivating factor (instead of fear). 
And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

The Happiness Choice

happy_smiley_ipad_wallpaper-t2“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.  By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
Happiness is an active choice.
Happiness does not require a delivery system; it is not water that you get from the external effort of turning on a faucet or walk to a well.
One can seek happiness but it is not something that can be attained.
We can look outside of ourselves as long as we want for something that makes us happy (a person, a passion, a hobby, or respect from others) but when we do that the moment we experience feels more like relief that it worked out than real Happiness and we quickly bypass the moment and look to the next (still hoping for Happiness).  This is called “Hedonic Adaptation” in case you’re interested.
In fact, it is quite the opposite; Happiness is the release of expectations.  (There’s actual brain science to back this up that notes meditation, prayer and a strong sense of spirituality (all inward pursuits) greatly increase happiness and it’s longevity.)
Happiness is letting go of our notions that others “should” be one way or another or that our hard work and discipline “should” be rewarded by a particular result of said efforts.  Happiness is actively meeting the world right where it is and feeling grateful for each moment; it is a choice to view each point in time as a gift no matter the circumstance.  Look inward, Beautiful Seeker, for Happiness cannot be experienced through any other method but the awareness you bring to each instant you’re alive.
Triffany is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  You can learn more about her and her services at

This post was inspired by some comments on a picture I posted on my Facebook page. I’d love it if you’d join the conversation and “like” my page.  Last time I posted about how to know when Love is a motivating factor (instead of fear).  And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

LoveNutrients“A woman who loves always has success.”  – Vicki Baum

Tired of playing Hot Potato with your resolutions?  Or maybe you’re fairly evolved and don’t make them but know there are some things you’d like to improve about yourself…  I’ve posted about the difference between fear as a motivator and love as a motivator but that can easily be one of those ideas that makes more sense in theory.  Really, it’s only because you’re out of practice – what you’re about to read is kind of a “great big duh.”

Here’s a simple litmus test for you.  There’s no rallying cry when Love is involved.  There’s no need to talk yourself into or out of a habit.

Think of those times when you’ve been excited to take on a new adventure, a new project or a new routine.  If you weren’t already in the midst of the new activity, you were dreaming about ways you could approach it.  If you were already actively pursuing it, you lost track of the hour.  When you were finished for the day you couldn’t wait to get back to it.  You felt CURIOUS and PLAYFUL and AWAKE.

When Love is involved, the deepest, most essential part of who you are wants to come out and play.  What more do you need to take action than that?


Triffany is The Wellness Accomplice, Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach.  You can learn about her and her services at

LoveFearEvery day is a new beginning and every day one can resolve to begin something great, work through a problem or simply get through a day.  Every day is a chance to look at yourself – not as an inspection for flaws, errors and bugs like you can’t be released into the world until you’re the picture of perfection.  But each day is a chance to look at yourself in your entirety and ask some very serious questions about long held thoughts, beliefs and even feelings.

I feel that resolutions aren’t helpful when they’re asking, “what’s wrong with me?”  I feel they can really do some good, however, when they’re asking, “what do I do well that brings me joy and can I do  more of it?”

You can look at the world and see all the problems (and believe me I know that there are a lot of them) and you can all fired up and angry about them until you feel a call to action.  That’s fine but the anger won’t outlast the frustration you’ll begin to feel life doesn’t allow you to keep you resolutions.  Change cannot last from that space because it wears us out.  Then it creates it’s own negative spiral:  I feel icky, so I will change something, I forget to make the change and now I feel ick-ier about myself, now I’m emotionally drained so I simply don’t care whether or not I’ve made the change, now I feel guilty that I stopped caring…I’m a horrible person…2014:  I resolve to stop being a horrible person.

Stop it.  You’re not a horrible person.  You’ve simply forgotten how to love yourself and your journey.  Remember how to love yourself and your journey and you will naturally, almost effortlessly, improve yourself, your circumstances and the world by extension.

Observation Fear Result Love Result
Save the earth I need to be better or the earth will perish and it’s tombstone will have my likeness, name and social security number engraved on it. I buy a separate container for recycling, I recycle for a week, I get busy and forget to recycle, I feel guilty and I’ve already blown it – (imagines the tombstone w/ likeness, name and SSN on it). I’ve been pretty good about using canvas bags at the grocery store.  I’m glad I’m making a difference.  I bet it would help if I also recycled my newspapers. For every newspaper put in the bin, there’s a feeling of satisfaction – because that feels good I do it again.  I’m happy to recycle when I can and when I remember.
Be nice to friends I know I don’t respond to friends promptly when they contact me.  I’m horrible person who will end up horribly alone.  Henceforth I shall be known as the Record holder for prompt return phone calls/emails. I’m in an important meeting (or in the middle of an Angry Birds level) and simply cannot get to that text message.  I forget I received said message.  I call back 5 hours later – friend has called AAA and my services are no longer required.  I’m a terrible person. I’m really good at making sure I have dedicated time when I contact my friends and that makes them feel special. When I call I make someone feel special.  When they call me I enjoy calling them back because they feel important to me.  Because that feels good I do it again.
I’ve gained weight I hate looking at myself in the mirror and not feeling attractive in public.  I need to feel pretty in order to feel happy so I must make major lifestyle changes to “fix” myself. Day 1 – changes stick – I still hate looking at myself in the mirrorDay 10 – I’ve busted my ass and I’m still “broken”

I’m tired.  I’m taking a break.  I’m out of my routine – I hate myself.

I’d like to get healthier but I know my friends love me regardless.  I’d like to spend more time w/ my friends. I get out and go spend time w/ friends – just maybe not in so many food-centric ways.  I love spending more time w/ my friends so I do it more often.