Thoughts on conscious Love and Compassion because when we attend to our greater good we are attending to THE greater good.

Archive for January, 2013

The Happiness Choice

happy_smiley_ipad_wallpaper-t2“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.  By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
Happiness is an active choice.
Happiness does not require a delivery system; it is not water that you get from the external effort of turning on a faucet or walk to a well.
One can seek happiness but it is not something that can be attained.
We can look outside of ourselves as long as we want for something that makes us happy (a person, a passion, a hobby, or respect from others) but when we do that the moment we experience feels more like relief that it worked out than real Happiness and we quickly bypass the moment and look to the next (still hoping for Happiness).  This is called “Hedonic Adaptation” in case you’re interested.
In fact, it is quite the opposite; Happiness is the release of expectations.  (There’s actual brain science to back this up that notes meditation, prayer and a strong sense of spirituality (all inward pursuits) greatly increase happiness and it’s longevity.)
Happiness is letting go of our notions that others “should” be one way or another or that our hard work and discipline “should” be rewarded by a particular result of said efforts.  Happiness is actively meeting the world right where it is and feeling grateful for each moment; it is a choice to view each point in time as a gift no matter the circumstance.  Look inward, Beautiful Seeker, for Happiness cannot be experienced through any other method but the awareness you bring to each instant you’re alive.
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Triffany is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  You can learn more about her and her services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com

This post was inspired by some comments on a picture I posted on my Facebook page. I’d love it if you’d join the conversation and “like” my page.  Last time I posted about how to know when Love is a motivating factor (instead of fear).  And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

What’s Love Got to do With it?

LoveNutrients“A woman who loves always has success.”  – Vicki Baum

Tired of playing Hot Potato with your resolutions?  Or maybe you’re fairly evolved and don’t make them but know there are some things you’d like to improve about yourself…  I’ve posted about the difference between fear as a motivator and love as a motivator but that can easily be one of those ideas that makes more sense in theory.  Really, it’s only because you’re out of practice – what you’re about to read is kind of a “great big duh.”

Here’s a simple litmus test for you.  There’s no rallying cry when Love is involved.  There’s no need to talk yourself into or out of a habit.

Think of those times when you’ve been excited to take on a new adventure, a new project or a new routine.  If you weren’t already in the midst of the new activity, you were dreaming about ways you could approach it.  If you were already actively pursuing it, you lost track of the hour.  When you were finished for the day you couldn’t wait to get back to it.  You felt CURIOUS and PLAYFUL and AWAKE.

When Love is involved, the deepest, most essential part of who you are wants to come out and play.  What more do you need to take action than that?

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Triffany is The Wellness Accomplice, Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach.  You can learn about her and her services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com

Fearful vs Loving Resolutions

LoveFearEvery day is a new beginning and every day one can resolve to begin something great, work through a problem or simply get through a day.  Every day is a chance to look at yourself – not as an inspection for flaws, errors and bugs like you can’t be released into the world until you’re the picture of perfection.  But each day is a chance to look at yourself in your entirety and ask some very serious questions about long held thoughts, beliefs and even feelings.

I feel that resolutions aren’t helpful when they’re asking, “what’s wrong with me?”  I feel they can really do some good, however, when they’re asking, “what do I do well that brings me joy and can I do  more of it?”

You can look at the world and see all the problems (and believe me I know that there are a lot of them) and you can all fired up and angry about them until you feel a call to action.  That’s fine but the anger won’t outlast the frustration you’ll begin to feel life doesn’t allow you to keep you resolutions.  Change cannot last from that space because it wears us out.  Then it creates it’s own negative spiral:  I feel icky, so I will change something, I forget to make the change and now I feel ick-ier about myself, now I’m emotionally drained so I simply don’t care whether or not I’ve made the change, now I feel guilty that I stopped caring…I’m a horrible person…2014:  I resolve to stop being a horrible person.

Stop it.  You’re not a horrible person.  You’ve simply forgotten how to love yourself and your journey.  Remember how to love yourself and your journey and you will naturally, almost effortlessly, improve yourself, your circumstances and the world by extension.

Observation Fear Result Love Result
Save the earth I need to be better or the earth will perish and it’s tombstone will have my likeness, name and social security number engraved on it. I buy a separate container for recycling, I recycle for a week, I get busy and forget to recycle, I feel guilty and I’ve already blown it – (imagines the tombstone w/ likeness, name and SSN on it). I’ve been pretty good about using canvas bags at the grocery store.  I’m glad I’m making a difference.  I bet it would help if I also recycled my newspapers. For every newspaper put in the bin, there’s a feeling of satisfaction – because that feels good I do it again.  I’m happy to recycle when I can and when I remember.
Be nice to friends I know I don’t respond to friends promptly when they contact me.  I’m horrible person who will end up horribly alone.  Henceforth I shall be known as the Record holder for prompt return phone calls/emails. I’m in an important meeting (or in the middle of an Angry Birds level) and simply cannot get to that text message.  I forget I received said message.  I call back 5 hours later – friend has called AAA and my services are no longer required.  I’m a terrible person. I’m really good at making sure I have dedicated time when I contact my friends and that makes them feel special. When I call I make someone feel special.  When they call me I enjoy calling them back because they feel important to me.  Because that feels good I do it again.
I’ve gained weight I hate looking at myself in the mirror and not feeling attractive in public.  I need to feel pretty in order to feel happy so I must make major lifestyle changes to “fix” myself. Day 1 – changes stick – I still hate looking at myself in the mirrorDay 10 – I’ve busted my ass and I’m still “broken”

I’m tired.  I’m taking a break.  I’m out of my routine – I hate myself.

I’d like to get healthier but I know my friends love me regardless.  I’d like to spend more time w/ my friends. I get out and go spend time w/ friends – just maybe not in so many food-centric ways.  I love spending more time w/ my friends so I do it more often.