Thoughts on conscious Love and Compassion because when we attend to our greater good we are attending to THE greater good.

Posts tagged ‘Life’

OMG Am I a Lesbian?

holding-hands_thumb[7]” To work change into the depths of our nature, we need to come to grips with those characteristics within us that we have tended to avoid.”  Carolyn Myss

I had a dream that I was living with 2 lesbians. There was an intense emotional intimacy there so I knew I belonged in spite of the triad dynamic that had me feeling a bit like an interloper.

One of the women was named Vicki.  She was beautiful with short, choppy hair and a “let’s get it done attitude.”  There was also Theresa who was pregnant and so quiet I kept forgetting she was there yet the moment Theresa entered the room there was an immediate feeling of peace and calm. She had a knowing about her that assuaged all of the anxiety I didn’t even know I was carrying.  I remember feeling relaxed and serene as soon as I got past the thought, “oh yeah…she’s here too.”

In real life, I’m divorced and have often joked that because I’m meeting such fascinating women and such disappointing men that I’d consider swinging to the other side – so this dream made me wonder, “was a part of me serious?”

I turned on my light and went to work using one of my most favorite tools ever – a Jungian style dream analysis.

Turns out – I’m imbalanced (was this supposed to be a surprise?). I’m identifying more heavily with my more masculine “get it done” Self than I am with my feminine “quiet power” Self. And the message was, “step into your feminine to fully realize your own power.” Aha….that makes sense – especially since this has been something I’ve been working on for years.  (The fact on just caught myself saying “working on” tells me there’s a long way to go yet.)

So – today I embrace the things that made me feel good about my inner world (being present in each moment, breathing deeply, asking myself what I need, meditating and playing). Tomorrow I may forget the lesson and return to the outer but I have been empowered with these unique faces representing the different sides of me and their names are Vicki and Theresa. Thank goodness for the oneness seeking knowing duo that lives inside of me waiting to give birth to some greatness I have yet to understand.

Inner lesbians, I cherish you (me) and I thank you (me).

How do you work step into your creative, intuitive, peaceful, present feminine?

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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

The Similarity Between Grieving and Puberty

Desperate Confusion“When angry count to four;  when very angry, swear.”  Mark Twain

 

10 months after “The Divorce”…suddenly the kids (12 & 13) are at each other’s throats again.

“Why are you so mad?”

“I don’t know!!”
“Everyone is on my nerves.”
“I love my legos because they’re the only things that don’t get aggravate me right now!!”

Learning experts say that it takes 10,000 hours of practicing something in order to master it.  My 10,000 hours has got to be the grieving process…so, I recognize the second stage; after denial comes anger.

After talking through, working through, adjusting through and making it through almost a year of thoughtful grieving I’m left thinking, “Holy crap, have the last 10 months merely been a prolonged and conscious version of denial?!  OR is this simply puberty at its worst?”  I really considered the possibility that all of the exuberance I was feeling about getting over the hump was a glorified version of avoidance and denial.  Suddenly, I was crushed.  I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to pick up the gauntlet again and gently walk through it all with myself and my kids.  Heck – I was convinced that if I absolutely had to go through it again there’d be nothing patient about it, I mean, GEEZ, let’s get over this already!!

Then, I remembered.  The highs and lows of the grieving process surprise us in waves (just like they do in puberty).  Honestly, the impetus for this renewed anger is irrelevant; it only matters that we deal with it consciously – just like we did at the onset and just like we would if it were puberty alone.

Grief and puberty aren’t all that different, actually – the cycles of emotion come and go, the change we face everyday (whether we like it or not) is imposed upon us and, really, we have the wonderful opportunity to go within and see what it has to offer.  We’ve decided it offers us practice at setting intention everyday (about how we treat one another and how we receive input from each other), we also have ample opportunity to practice grace, compassion and putting each other first.  Really, if you think about it, we’re quite fortunate to get so much practice using healthy coping mechanisms at the beginning of our new, post-divorce lives so that when the easier, happier waves come we don’t have bad habits in place to ruin them.

Yeah, we got this.

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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.
 

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Life Coaches are Imperfect

cryBeing a life coach doesn’t mean that I am problem-free.  I do have problems.  In fact, after about 9 months in the grieving process and feeling like the kids and I were doing pretty well after “The Divorce” – they’re at each other’s throats and it leaves me wondering, “were the last nine months a deceitful cycle?  Were we actually in denial the whole time and we’re just now hitting anger?”

Likewise, being a trauma and illness coach doesn’t keep me from experiencing trauma or illness.  After all…I did still go through “The Divorce” and I’m still working at getting well after meningitis struck me eight long years ago!
Being a life coach DOES, however, give me amazing tools on how to deal w/ the problems/trauma/illness; being a life coach DOES give me practice at not only facing my crap (ask my closest friends and they’ll tell you all about those moment’s when I just cry) but facing it with a deeper understanding that “IT” is not “ME”.
I actually like to think of it as facing my crap with aplomb; I face my process without guilt or shame (truth is, sometimes we ALL just cry).
Being a life coach also gives me a deeper understanding of those adages that we say but sometimes don’t really get until we’ve been through the wringer:  “this too shall pass,” “time heals all wounds,” (I don’t necessarily agree with that one see this post to find out why), and “it’s always darkest before the dawn” and my favorite (one that drives some people nuts), “everything happens for a reason.”
Truth is there is no immunity to human tribulations.  It is important for all of us to remember that.  When we do we can accept that sometimes we haven’t done anything “wrong” – it’s just a piece of the puzzle that makes up our life story.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice.  Sometimes we just need to cry and ask for help.  When we do we actively improve our situation and ourselves.
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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Time Does NOT Heal all Wounds

heal-a-cut.s600x600“There’s a lot of bitterness, there’s a lot of anger out there.  We all have to work hard to heal those wounds.” – Allen Boyd
After a big transformative event we’re often left dazed, confused, hurt or lost.  During these times we hear, either from ourselves or others, “that time heals all wounds.”  I’ve been a life coach for long enough that I recognize that while this advice is well-meaning and will help someone focus on the temporary nature of any problem it is, quite simply, inaccurate.
Yes, eventually a routine will kick in and we’ll feel less and less dazed.  We will begin to employ coping mechanisms that help us find meaning that dulls the confusion and the pain.  And we will be forced to go on which, with time,  will help us feel less lost.  Basically, distance from the big moments will get us functional.
However, functionality is not the same as healing.
We cannot truly heal unless we take the time to seek help in seeing our blind spots and then choose to go inward.  We must be willing to (when we’re ready) lean into the experience of the transformative event and evaluate any conclusions we’ve made around that experience. We must give ourselves permission to consciously access a healing process that is right for us…and that takes work!!
I encourage you to love yourself enough to go, layer by layer, into your emotions, your thoughts and assumptions to find  true healing so that you may begin your real purpose here.
Time may get you functional but it will not, on it’s own, heal all wounds; only consciousness and Love can do that.
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Triffany Hammond is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.