Thoughts on conscious Love and Compassion because when we attend to our greater good we are attending to THE greater good.

Posts tagged ‘Possibility’

OMG Am I a Lesbian?

holding-hands_thumb[7]” To work change into the depths of our nature, we need to come to grips with those characteristics within us that we have tended to avoid.”  Carolyn Myss

I had a dream that I was living with 2 lesbians. There was an intense emotional intimacy there so I knew I belonged in spite of the triad dynamic that had me feeling a bit like an interloper.

One of the women was named Vicki.  She was beautiful with short, choppy hair and a “let’s get it done attitude.”  There was also Theresa who was pregnant and so quiet I kept forgetting she was there yet the moment Theresa entered the room there was an immediate feeling of peace and calm. She had a knowing about her that assuaged all of the anxiety I didn’t even know I was carrying.  I remember feeling relaxed and serene as soon as I got past the thought, “oh yeah…she’s here too.”

In real life, I’m divorced and have often joked that because I’m meeting such fascinating women and such disappointing men that I’d consider swinging to the other side – so this dream made me wonder, “was a part of me serious?”

I turned on my light and went to work using one of my most favorite tools ever – a Jungian style dream analysis.

Turns out – I’m imbalanced (was this supposed to be a surprise?). I’m identifying more heavily with my more masculine “get it done” Self than I am with my feminine “quiet power” Self. And the message was, “step into your feminine to fully realize your own power.” Aha….that makes sense – especially since this has been something I’ve been working on for years.  (The fact on just caught myself saying “working on” tells me there’s a long way to go yet.)

So – today I embrace the things that made me feel good about my inner world (being present in each moment, breathing deeply, asking myself what I need, meditating and playing). Tomorrow I may forget the lesson and return to the outer but I have been empowered with these unique faces representing the different sides of me and their names are Vicki and Theresa. Thank goodness for the oneness seeking knowing duo that lives inside of me waiting to give birth to some greatness I have yet to understand.

Inner lesbians, I cherish you (me) and I thank you (me).

How do you work step into your creative, intuitive, peaceful, present feminine?

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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

The Similarity Between Grieving and Puberty

Desperate Confusion“When angry count to four;  when very angry, swear.”  Mark Twain

 

10 months after “The Divorce”…suddenly the kids (12 & 13) are at each other’s throats again.

“Why are you so mad?”

“I don’t know!!”
“Everyone is on my nerves.”
“I love my legos because they’re the only things that don’t get aggravate me right now!!”

Learning experts say that it takes 10,000 hours of practicing something in order to master it.  My 10,000 hours has got to be the grieving process…so, I recognize the second stage; after denial comes anger.

After talking through, working through, adjusting through and making it through almost a year of thoughtful grieving I’m left thinking, “Holy crap, have the last 10 months merely been a prolonged and conscious version of denial?!  OR is this simply puberty at its worst?”  I really considered the possibility that all of the exuberance I was feeling about getting over the hump was a glorified version of avoidance and denial.  Suddenly, I was crushed.  I wasn’t sure if I had it in me to pick up the gauntlet again and gently walk through it all with myself and my kids.  Heck – I was convinced that if I absolutely had to go through it again there’d be nothing patient about it, I mean, GEEZ, let’s get over this already!!

Then, I remembered.  The highs and lows of the grieving process surprise us in waves (just like they do in puberty).  Honestly, the impetus for this renewed anger is irrelevant; it only matters that we deal with it consciously – just like we did at the onset and just like we would if it were puberty alone.

Grief and puberty aren’t all that different, actually – the cycles of emotion come and go, the change we face everyday (whether we like it or not) is imposed upon us and, really, we have the wonderful opportunity to go within and see what it has to offer.  We’ve decided it offers us practice at setting intention everyday (about how we treat one another and how we receive input from each other), we also have ample opportunity to practice grace, compassion and putting each other first.  Really, if you think about it, we’re quite fortunate to get so much practice using healthy coping mechanisms at the beginning of our new, post-divorce lives so that when the easier, happier waves come we don’t have bad habits in place to ruin them.

Yeah, we got this.

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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.
 

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Life Coaches are Imperfect

cryBeing a life coach doesn’t mean that I am problem-free.  I do have problems.  In fact, after about 9 months in the grieving process and feeling like the kids and I were doing pretty well after “The Divorce” – they’re at each other’s throats and it leaves me wondering, “were the last nine months a deceitful cycle?  Were we actually in denial the whole time and we’re just now hitting anger?”

Likewise, being a trauma and illness coach doesn’t keep me from experiencing trauma or illness.  After all…I did still go through “The Divorce” and I’m still working at getting well after meningitis struck me eight long years ago!
Being a life coach DOES, however, give me amazing tools on how to deal w/ the problems/trauma/illness; being a life coach DOES give me practice at not only facing my crap (ask my closest friends and they’ll tell you all about those moment’s when I just cry) but facing it with a deeper understanding that “IT” is not “ME”.
I actually like to think of it as facing my crap with aplomb; I face my process without guilt or shame (truth is, sometimes we ALL just cry).
Being a life coach also gives me a deeper understanding of those adages that we say but sometimes don’t really get until we’ve been through the wringer:  “this too shall pass,” “time heals all wounds,” (I don’t necessarily agree with that one see this post to find out why), and “it’s always darkest before the dawn” and my favorite (one that drives some people nuts), “everything happens for a reason.”
Truth is there is no immunity to human tribulations.  It is important for all of us to remember that.  When we do we can accept that sometimes we haven’t done anything “wrong” – it’s just a piece of the puzzle that makes up our life story.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is a choice.  Sometimes we just need to cry and ask for help.  When we do we actively improve our situation and ourselves.
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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Are Optimists Smarter?

optimism.preview
“A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.”  – Harry S. Truman
It has been proven that optimists are much more affective at engaging problem solving skills than their pessimistic counterparts.
Love, happiness, optimism, humor, laughter, kindness, openness, calm, friendship….. add as many positive emotions as you can to your life.  No matter where you are, no matter how difficult things seem you should know that the brain operates at its highest levels when it has been infused with optimism.
When you infuse the positive emotions into your life you feed your brain in ways you may not even be aware of.  Susan Reynolds, author of “Prime Your Gray Cells,”  says that, “feeling pleasure can be so stimulating for your brain that it is primed to respond to pleasure in a way that reinforces pleasure.”  What this means is that YOU have the choice to create a positive feedback loop in your brain. “Other than being much more fun to be around,” she continues, “being happy:
  • stimulates the growth of nerve connections
  • improves cognition by increasing mental productivity
  • improves your ability to analyze and think
  • increases attentiveness
  • leads to more happy thoughts”

How do YOU want to spend your time?  Choose carefully, because you’re choosing the fuel you provide to your brain to be able to solve your problems and build on your successes.

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Triffany Hammond is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.
If you liked this post, here’s different post on Happiness that you might also like. 

And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Happiness is Impermanent

Recovery Coaching

“Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”  Margaret Lee Runbeck

In last week’s post, The Happiness Choice, I mentioned that Happiness is the release of expectations.

As simple as this seems (when we expect nothing we are not disappointed and therefore can concentrate on and be grateful for what we DO have) it can be a real sticking point for people.  They often feel as though letting go of their expectations or attachments to a specific outcome means they’re living with apathy and not Happiness.  Or they feel that if they release expectations then they aren’t motivated to achieve anything of value.
Allow me to offer an example from my own life.
     I’ve recently been through a divorce.  I wanted to work on our marriage and heal our broken love.  He did not.  He left me and our two kids to go live with a different woman and her two kids.
     If I had held onto the expectation that he SHOULD behave a certain way (stay married, live alone, spend extra time w/ his kids, etc) I would live in a constant state of disappointment, anger, and depression.  I would also be MOTIVATED to make my point, prove him wrong, and express my negative emotions.  None of these reactions would have fostered healing in myself or my children.
     I’ll admit it was hard and that I experienced pain during the process.  But because I was able to let go of the expectations about what he should do I was able to face, head on, what he was actually doing.  And because I could face it head on I was MOTIVATED to heal which allowed me to focus on all the things that weren’t painful in my life (and all of the things that would be available to me in the future).
I wasn’t apathetic at all.  In fact, I felt deeply.  But the negative feelings didn’t have any space to take hold because I wasn’t grounded in my expectations of “family,” “husband,” or “dad.”  Instead I understood that my ex-husband is a person of free will who has his own expectations of himself that aren’t tied to what I want or  what I think I need.

Also, I’ve achieved more value in my life as a result of letting go my attachments to specific outcomes because I was being fueled by positive emotions and not depleted by the negative ones.

When I say that Happiness is a choice, I am saying that we can live a life full of emotions, positive and negative alike, but when we release our emotional attachments to specific outcomes we cut suffering off at the root; we choose to leave room for all the positive results that come from feeling positive emotions.
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I am a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  
You can learn more about my and my services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com or find me on Facebook.
Here’s a related post about how to know when Love is a motivating factor (instead of fear). 
And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

The Happiness Choice

happy_smiley_ipad_wallpaper-t2“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.  By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world.” – Robert Louis Stevenson
Happiness is an active choice.
Happiness does not require a delivery system; it is not water that you get from the external effort of turning on a faucet or walk to a well.
One can seek happiness but it is not something that can be attained.
We can look outside of ourselves as long as we want for something that makes us happy (a person, a passion, a hobby, or respect from others) but when we do that the moment we experience feels more like relief that it worked out than real Happiness and we quickly bypass the moment and look to the next (still hoping for Happiness).  This is called “Hedonic Adaptation” in case you’re interested.
In fact, it is quite the opposite; Happiness is the release of expectations.  (There’s actual brain science to back this up that notes meditation, prayer and a strong sense of spirituality (all inward pursuits) greatly increase happiness and it’s longevity.)
Happiness is letting go of our notions that others “should” be one way or another or that our hard work and discipline “should” be rewarded by a particular result of said efforts.  Happiness is actively meeting the world right where it is and feeling grateful for each moment; it is a choice to view each point in time as a gift no matter the circumstance.  Look inward, Beautiful Seeker, for Happiness cannot be experienced through any other method but the awareness you bring to each instant you’re alive.
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Triffany is a Trauma & Illness Recovery Coach:  Life Coach for people who feel no one understands.  You can learn more about her and her services at www.TheWellnessAccomplice.com

This post was inspired by some comments on a picture I posted on my Facebook page. I’d love it if you’d join the conversation and “like” my page.  Last time I posted about how to know when Love is a motivating factor (instead of fear).  And yes…I capitalize words like Love, Self and Happiness because they just feel that important to me.

Miracles from Crisis

“Once in awhile there comes a crisis which renders miracles feasible.”  Julia Sand

This time of year, around the anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the United States, the collective consciousness begins to get a little jumpy.  Odd things seem to happen with people’s schedules, everyday errands make people a little grumpy…nothing goes quite as expected because our stress pulls us out of alignment with our goals and ideals.

Now is a wonderful time to recall the bonding that happened between community members during that time.  The grace everyone had for each other during their shock and even throughout their grieving period was a beautiful, open hearted selflessness during a time when the political scene was wrenching us apart from one another.  I remember, quite clearly, how my sense of safety was rattled to the core – but I also remember how quickly I was reminded of what is truly important in my life.  I’ve carried that renewed sense of priority with me through the years (most of them difficult) that have followed.

We may not fully understand the miracles that have become feasible as a result of that crisis but I feel that it marked the beginning of a big shift for the world community, a shift so monumental it cracked the foundation of old, the foundation of “I’ve got mine, you get yours” and started planting the seeds of love and compassion in the global mind.  Seeds are small, they take time to germinate, take root and grow.  But they’re also tough and because their progress is slow and steady they can become vibrant, resilient and prolific in even the harshest of environments.

This week puts more than a decade of initial growth of that seed of love, compassion, forgiveness and care behind us.  As I look forward I imagine the seed has turned into a sprout and that sprout will turn into a bright, living, breathing source of sustenance as we embrace the miracle made possible by its planting.  We need do nothing more than breathe the new life of Pure Love into our lungs and let it become a part of us so that we may be kind and gentle to ourselves, each other and the world.

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Interesting side note:  Julia Sand, the author of the quote at the top of this post was a disabled woman who began writing to Vice President Arthur after President Garfield had been shot by Charles Guiteau.  She had noticed Arthur floundering under negative influence prior to the shooting and encouraged him to make more selfless choices in light of the nation’s tragedy.  He had never met her before yet took solace in her written wisdom.  He saved every letter.  He met her for the first time, months after becoming president when he surprised her with a visit in a home she shared with her brother.